TL;DR:
- The passport office lost my passport before an international trip.
- Or maybe it was hidden in a stack of mail at a Philadelphia warehouse?
- The point is: Be very clear in your communication.
- Especially when you’re communicating blackmail.
It all started when a mysterious phone number texted me a photo of my passport.
Actually, that’s not true. It all started when I realized in the middle of July that my passport was expiring at the end of July, four months before I was supposed to leave the country.
That’s okay, no problem. I can pay for an expedited passport renewal, and I can send it via certified mail to ensure the application actually arrives. Crises averted, my new passport should arrive with a month to spare.
So why, after the first month, did my passport status show no progress? And why, when I called the passport office, did they say they had no record of my application, and in fact no sign whatsoever of my actual passport?
The passport office lost my passport????
For four months, it remained a mystery. Until this happened…
Part 1 – Extortion?
I’m typing away at my desk when my phone rings. “No Caller ID.”
No thank you, let it go to voicemail.
But the voicemail message is odd. Lots of background noise, difficult to hear the caller. She says something like, “Hi Matt, it’s me, Linda. I just wanna ask you if you miss your passport, because I find on train from the front office. If possible can you call me back at [A NEW YORK PHONE NUMBER].” Apple voicemail transcription is no help.
Is this for real? Sure enough, a few seconds later, the New York phone number texts me a photo of my passport, my application with every piece of information that exists about me — including my social security number — and the check I wrote to the passport office.
Is this some sort of extortion scheme? Sure, you can have your passport back, if you pay up, Mr. International Traveler.
So I call her, and begin to unravel what happened. She works in a warehouse at a printing company in Northeast Philadelphia, and she was in the mailroom and found my envelope stuck at the bottom of a bin. If I can arrive before 2:30, she’ll bring it out to the parking lot.
Wait. Huh? Paraphrasing here:
Me: Why did you open an envelope addressed to the passport office?
Linda: It was completely torn apart when I found it.
Me: Can you put it in a new envelope and mail it back to me?
Linda: I don’t know where a post office is around here.
Me: Does your printing company have a mailroom?
Linda: I just work in the warehouse, I don’t know anything like that. If you can’t come during the week because you work, you can come to my house on Saturday to pick it up.
My friends, I ask: What would you have done next?
Part 2 – Confrontation!
What I would’ve done, obviously, is immediately contact my wife, which is exactly what I do next. She’s having none of it. She looks up the business’s address and calls the number in the Google Business Profile and asks to speak to a manager. She explains the situation.
The manager says, “Oh yeah, that could definitely happen. So much mail gets shoved into those bins it could’ve very easily gotten stuck in a bundle of mail and been sitting there for months.”
I’ll remind you I paid for certified mail, and received a notification that it had been received. Guess the post office isn’t too picky on if it is received by the intended recipient.
Anyway. My wife says, “Okay, that’s good to know. But I still don’t know who this person is. How about you go down to the warehouse and get it from her and call me back when you have it?”
Guys, my wife is not confrontational. This is so unlike her.
Meanwhile, we’re never going to hear from this manager again, right? Five minutes go by. Then 10. It feels like it’s been at least three hours. Then comes the call – the manager has the items! I suggest we ask the manager to mail them to us. My wife goes, “Nuh uh, I’m not trusting the mail again. I’ll pick them up on my way home from work. It gets me out of a meeting I don’t want to attend anyway.”
So she is going alone to this place to retrieve my potentially newly discovered documents. She is supposed to call me when she’s close and keep her phone on speaker until she is safely heading home.
Part 3 – Resolution?
She’s there now, pulling in, and someone is walking toward her. The manager, having waited at the door for her arrival? How did she know what car my wife drove? Has she been marching into the parking lot every time a car pulls in?
Doesn’t matter, the exchange occurs — through the window slips an envelope stamped “Certified Mail, Expedite.” Now she’s peeling out of the parking lot (as much as a multi-ton minivan can peel) and heading toward safety. Could the saga be coming to a close? But wait, what’s that car behind her? Is it following her? Why are the windows tinted so dark? Oh no, a red light. Screw it, just keep driving!
Business Moral
I share this story with you to remind you to be open in your communications. For example:
- When requesting something, make it very clear what you need and when you need it. If you’re the person’s manager and it’s relevant, identify how much time you think should be spent on it.
- When selling something, be very explicit in what it does and why it does it better than competitors and why someone would want/need it.
- When collaborating with someone, double-check that it’s obvious who’s doing what and when — never assume the other person has something covered if it has yet to be discussed.
- When blackmailing someone, explain what of theirs you have and why you have it and what you want them to do about it.
I’m thankful to the person for finding my passport and contacting me about it. But the ensuing communication caused confusion and fear. It’s a good reminder that no one else knows what’s in your head, no one else knows what you’re trying to say or do, so err on the side of over-communicating your intentions.
Related: For more on the importance of effective communication, read how under-communicating caused me to miss my daughter perform on a world-famous stage.
